What half prevails?
By Maryam Hussain

February 19, 2009
I found her sitting the same place she was when I left five hours ago. Actually I doubt she left that beige chair at all while I was away. Poor girl I thought what terrible time she must be going through.

I am nineteen, exactly her age and so happy that I have a driverís license and I am now officially an adult. As much as my last teen year matters to me, my friend seems to be completely oblivious to what is going around her, she is lost. Fact is she lost herself four years ago, but its been two years when she completely sunk into the folds of depression; a disease no one should ever fight because not only is it frightening but in the end it becomes hard to recognize oneself as she tells.

Lets rewind the two miserable years of her life and take a look into the life of that jolly and happy seventeen year old who felt she had all the happiness of the world. Whenever I met her she was happy and smiling. She used to joke a lot and was a very talkative person, unlike now when she is allergic to laughter and happiness.

ĎYou have a million dollar smileí another of her friends told her. Unfortunately that smile is rarely seen on her face, and even if it is it never really reaches her eyes. I have known her ever since we were kids, we grew up together. We had the same clothes, same toys, same taste, you name it! But now even I am not able to recognize her.

I am well aware that a bunch of you donít believe in any such thing as depression. But it does exist; I have seen it from very close. A lot of times people suffering from it donít admit they have a problem so they choose to stay incredulous to it which hardly helps the case in any manner. Trust me I know!

If I had to describe her today she is tired of life, she has lost hope and feels helpless. Apart from the self-imposed house arrest she barely talks to anyone. Things that used to excite her before donít amuse her any longer. She is practically locked in her room all day and unless it is crucial for her to step out of the house she would go out. It hasnít escaped my attention that her eyes are hollow and blank. Her family and friends try to cheer her up and take her out, and I know she appreciates it from the bottom of her heart, but it barely moves her. She has chosen a path, and an extremely wrong and difficult one to mention, and that is to live this way and give into her disease. Why that is so I cannot answer, but thatís her wish!

Whenever she screams for help, she feels no one can hear her. She would stand in front of people and beg for help but she was invisible. Was she even there she would ask herself. The tear glands have dried and whenever she is at her lowest point she was is to cry. She wanted a solution, ending her life seemed the best option at that time and she did try, but luckily she is present amongst us. We saved her, it wasnít her time yet.

I am sure by now you are wondering who I am and how I know her. Well I am her other half. The half that tells her she still has some of her friends who havenít given up on her and of course her loving family. I am with her all the time, however she chooses to shut me out most of the time and she succeeds at that too. She has actually never lost any kind of battle or struggle, but I am afraid this one she just might. I hope she regains her strength and stops the internal destruction before it is too late. I can only whisper in her ear at all times and try giving her hope, but it is indeed very difficult. What you all can do is pray for her!

This is depression. If you know anyone who suffers from this disease stay by their side just like I am and become their shoulder to lean on. Even if they brush you off they will eventually come back to you if you are still waiting.

I am fighting my other half and hope to prevail!

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